America's Dairyland

We took this photo in case we didn't find any cows. What were we thinking? No cows in Wisconsin? That's like no plumbers' cracks in Madison!


Does anyone know how to pronounce "Trygve"?

A genuine Wisconsin herd:


"Look girls, there's another tourist freak stopping traffic to take our picture. Time for a little methane output!"

I can't decide whether these two heifers are guard cows or a harem:


"Then, out of the darkness, came death with a nose ring."

Moose?

Another Wisconsin wonder:


So tell me, do moose and cows really interact in a friendly way? If a cow and a moose got in a fight, wouldn't the moose win?

Old Blue Eyes

I think it's probably safe to say that only in Wisconsin would you find this in front of a shoe store:


Be afraid, be very afraid.

Hypnotic bovine aside, it was a most excellent shoe store and I bought THREE PAIRS of shoes there. If you know me, you know I am not a shoe-a-holic and I don't know if I have ever in my life bought three pairs of shoes all at the same time. Part of that stems from the difficulty I have finding shoes to fit my large feet.

Here is a shot of my friend Phyllis, at one with the bovine. The guy who owns the shoe store is also a big-time sports fan, which is why the freakish cow is also sporting a baseball cap!


"Step away from the udder, ma'am!"

If you would like to see some truly freakish cow attractions, visit:

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/set/cow.html

Intersesting, isn't it, how many of them are in Wisconsin? I clearly did not try hard enough to seek out freakish cow attractions on my trip through America's Dairyland.

Cows you can buy

I have a lotta cow shots from my Wisconsin trip. But let's start here. This is just a tiny smidgen of the available cow merchandise I saw in and around Madison:

Diary cows

Okay, so I am way behind on my cow blog! The life of a cow photojournalist isn't always easy, ya know. I just spent a week in Wisconsin (America's Dairyland; bring on the cheese curds!) and I now have a backlog of magnificent bovine portraits to load. I haven't been over to photograph the local cow couple lately, but I will visit with the Nikon soon.

Anyhoo, last month we drove out to Birchwood Dairy’s Farm Market at 1154 Fadden Road in Abbotsford , where we had some very nice ice cream:


I was all ready to take lots of cow pictures, but I could only find one cow gurl to photograph:


Is she not udderly delightful? However, she seemed a bit shy and wouldn't cooperate particularly well with me and my camera. I supposed I'm just lucky she didn't decide to shower me with hot manure!

"Piss off and stop taking photos of my ass!"

Whimsical Cow

Here we have my latest purchase from Liquidation World (I also bought some surprisingly good After Eight biscuits there!):



Yes, the Whimsical Cow, gracing a 79-cent gift bag that I shall eventually bestow on some lucky recipient. I notice a distinct lack of two legs on this cow, however, he (no udder, must be a "he") has clearly just enjoyed a bag of organic apples. Note the rapturous smile!

We went to visit Mama cow and calf yesterday. I guess I should name them, eh? But they probably already already have names, not that I know them. Any suggestions? "Bessie" seems too obvious. Anyway! We took carrots for our mooful friends, but they were TOO BUSY eating hay to be bothered coming over. I mean, really, the nerve. I guess the are punishing me for last week when I treatlessly sauntered by. "Screw you, you apple lady!"

So we walked over to another farm across from the tearoom (see: http://www.clayburn.heritagebc.org/. There were many sheep, some lambs, a horse and a donkey in the field. We thought the donkey, being relatively close to the fence, might like the carrots. Unfortunately we couldn't get his attention. So Gordon just started pitching carrots with all his might. Nolan Ryan my beloved ain't. The donkey studiously ignored the carrots landing thirty feet from him, although one sheep did walk up to sniff one, then backed away in disgust.

If it ever stops raining here, I will go get some more shots of Mama and baby cow for you all. Moo!

Treat suggestions?

Anyone know what else I can safely feed a cow as a treat, besides organic (!) apples, carrots and the odd pear? I don't want to kill 'em or make 'em sick, but I'm just curious if there's anything else in the fruit/veggie drawer that I can bring them. I suppose they are a bit like horses in terms of their food preferences.

Ridiculous eh, organic apples for a cow?! Like clover and hay aren't good enough for them! And of course, when I'm not stealing food from our family of two (unless you count pets, in which case we're up to a family of seven, but if you count the betta fish, it's eight, and if you count the fish pond, it's more like a family of 58!) to feed my bovine babies, they get those lovely fresh apples right off our neighbour's tree.

Ya know, I never realized how much personality cows have until I started this feeding regime. This is the closest relationship I have ever had with moo-pals (get your head out of the gutter.) They are really sweet, and man, are they LARGE. Their noggins are much bigger than horse heads. The Godfather would have had a hard time leaving a cow head between someone's sheets.

The other day I committed a cardinal sin and walked Tara (the English Setter) past my cow buddies WITHOUT BRINGING TREATS! Mama and calf came running over to me, and followed me as I walked along the fence. I apologized profusely, but they weren't impressed. Mama mooed loudly several times as I walked away. I am a BAD cow friend. Bad, bad, wicked, bad.

Here is a shot of me admiring Tara, who is NOT a cow and is unafraid of cows, and the cows are unafraid of her. On this particular day, we had stopped by the cow pasture. This picture was taken post-treat frenzy. I'm slipping it in because I think Tara is kind of cute for a 13-year-old, even if she isn't technically a cow. But I bet she'd make a good cow. She loves treats! And her saliva rivals that of a bovine. Note the drool hanging ever-so-delicately from her velvety lips.

PS: Brian, the cows miss you. They want you to come back!

Sigh

Y'all know I'm going to die the day they take this calf away to make sirloin, right? Do you see how his head looks a bit wet in the photos? That's because he is still nursing part of the time and the milk makes his fur sticky.

No wonder I can't eat beef much anymore... if had to kill my own dinner, I'd be a vegetarian.

Cows 'n' cheese

After we recovered from Brian's experience with the cows, dear hubby and I went to a wonderful farm out in Agassiz where they make unspeakably delicious cheese from milk obtained from their unspeakably beautiful cows. It's called The Farm House Natural Cheeses Ltd., and is located at 5634 McCallum Road in Agassiz. Two visits and we're addicted to their cheeses. No website, but you can search under "cheese" at:
http://www.bcfarmfresh.com/
and you'll find more info.

Anyway, near the parking lot they have a small pasture with a two cows, a calf and a donkey (!)

How beautiful is this face? (Okay, it might be cuter without the cud-chewing action. Mum always told me not to chew gum!)





And how can you not adore this little calf, peeking out from beside Mama?



If you're in the area, go! And make sure you buy some cheese. Our favourite is the stinky but luscious Alpine Gold cheese they make.

Visitor from Toronto

It was an cow-packed weekend for us! (Well, not that our hooman friend here is a cow or anything. And I guess he'd be a bull, not a cow, unless he was one of those castrated bulls. What do you call a castrated bull again? Castrati? Nope, that's opera. Anyway, it's irrelevant because Brian isn't castrated. At least, as far as I know. He does have a deep, masculine voice. Quite a lovely voice, really.) Our most excellent friend Brian came to visit us from grey and dreary Toronto, and apart from being impressed by the spectacular spring in BC (if I do say so myself), he was most eager to experience the village cows up close and personal. So off we went, carrots and apples in hand (or more accurately, a plastic bag.) Here are my dear husband Gordon (love ya, honey!) and our good friend Brian, awaiting the

...COMING OF THE COWS!





Here, Brian bravely offers Mama cow a carrot. Such courage in the face of perceived imminent death! (Those bulging, crazed moo-cow eyes, those nasty sharp teeth...)





Natalie shows the Cow-feeding Virgin just how friendly these beasts really are. (Note the abject terror disguised by Brian's casual smile, and the way his hand is frozen in fear as he waits for it to be amputated by Mama cow's nasty, slicing fangs. I hope you're not right-handed, Bri!)





The calf decides that this time, Mama ain't getting all the treats! (By the way, Brian, cow saliva dissolves human skin on contact. Next time, wear protective suiting.)





Can some intrepid scientist measure the viscosity of cow spit for me? (That is, without the saliva dissolving said intrepid scientist, leaving behind a jiggling mess of guts and skeleton, and a pocket protector.)





Brian and Mama cow, speaking in tongues (those whacky Torontonians! Don't they know that this means "Yes, I'm a tasty apple!" in bovine-speak?)



Ah, I think we can safely say that Brian is no longer a Cow-feeding Virgin (I can't speak for any other kind of virginity), and with just a few tasty pieces of produce, he has managed to overcome his trepidation and be one with the bovines. In fact, I'm starting to think he's a little TOO "one with the bovines"!

(And a good time was had by all. Mama kept her fangs away from Brian's flesh, the cow saliva didn't dissolve my fleece vest [although it does need a good washing now], and we all lived to see another day. Brian has a new respect for the terrible, beautiful bovine.)

Fruit slut

Yep, Mama cow is a slut for fruit. I don't even need to wave my apple around now. I just walk up to the fence, and over comes Mama cow, lookin' for a sweet handout. Moo, baby.

Of course, guilt now prevents me from walking past the cow pasture without fruits or veggies in my pockets! Heaven forbid I should disappoint my bovine buddies.

Today I made a new discovery. Cows also like pears!

Mama cow is also really in to scritchies on the sides of her head. However, mostly she likes apples.

Cows like carrots!

Not surprisingly, as we discovered today, cows like carrots!


"What have they got for me today?"




"Well, that looks a bit rude, but I'll try it anyway."




"Damn, that's tasty! But what is this gonna do to my svelte waistline?"





"Well, those don't look like the orange things I just ate, but I'll be happy to sample them anyway!"



(How can you resist such bovine cuteness???)

Time for apples!

I feed apples to the cow and her calf that live down the lane. Now, they have come to expect treats from me whenever I walk by. Here is today's sequence:


"La la la, dum di dum, munch munch, minding our own business..."




"Hey! Is that the APPLE LADY?!"




STAMPEDE!




"We LOVE the Apple Lady! Apples, apples, apples!"




"Gimme dat apple!"




"Don't forget me! I know I still get free milk, but I looove apples."




"Maybe I can find the apple with my tongue! Or maybe I will just lick the camera."



"Am I not the picture of bovine beauty? Do I not deserve many, many apples?"




"Look at us! We are wasting away. Bring more freaking apples!"