Sunday, June 19, 2005

How to devour an apple in a few easy steps

We visited Mama and Baby cow yesterday. There is an ugly rumour going around the village that 25 houses might be built on the land where the cows live (the owner wants to sell. It used to be a chicken farm, but he can't manage it anymore.) Time for us to moooove! No way would I put up with 25 ugly houses being dumped in the village. I am sad for the cows. Nonetheless, if this comes to pass it won't happen for some time. There's a lot of paperwork involved in taking land out of the Agricultural Land Reserve.

Anyway, we took the bovines some apples yesterday. Baby bull was completely uninterested, preferring that oh-so-delicious grass. But Mama came trotting right over. That's my girl!

Witness her technique for eating an apple:

Extend neck turtle-like through fence, towards the succulent goodness offered by the hairy arm. (Note: that's my husband's hairy arm, not mine!)

The "Over Fence" technique can be equally effective.

Use your unspeakably large tongue to curl the apple into mouth and towards the munching implements (i.e. teeth.)

As you can see here, it is possible to lick the apple right out of the unwary human's hand, allowing it to fall directly into the gaping bovine maw.

Exploit your cuteness and beg for more!

Make sure your kids are otherwise occupied, so as to ensure that all apples remain in the custody of YOUR stomach. Lesson over!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


I walked by the cows today, with my faithful English Setter Tara, and I brought apples. Nice, juicy, organic apples that probably cost a buck each, and were rolling around the fridge, waiting to be eaten.

I walked by the cows today, and I was IGNORED.

Ignored! They were too busy eaten oh-so-tasty GRASS to pay attention to me and my apples.

Imagine. Ignored!!! Maybe I'll have to rename this blog "The Slug Diaries" (hey, good idea! slug diaries!) and take photos of the abundant sluglife around here.


Sunday, June 05, 2005

Mmm, cow pies

What sort of person names a chocolatey treat after a bovine turd?

This treasure came from Wisconsin, and while it may have a dubious name, it was magically delicious! However, to the best of my knowledge, cows do not have opposable thumbs. But it would be interesting to live in a place named "Baraboo." Baraboo appears to be the Cow Pie Capital of the USA. Anyone out there from Baraboo? Perhaps "Homer Holstein"? (Anyone out there reading any of this?)